D day is Getting Nearer

Well Myza... the answer to your question.....memang tengah busy sesangat now....feel like I am a yoyo, one day I'm up there in the sky and the next I'm down in the bowels of the earth....wuh tak kan la cam tu sekali.....tapi hakikatnya macam tu la....tetambah bila Dato' bising - bising.....masa tu la all the kepenatan bertambah manyfolds.....

Tapi that is how I feel, rasa macam tak cukup tangan nak siap kan everything that I'm supposed to siapkan. Feel like the plate is overflowing now.....2008 pun coming to an end.... a roller coaster ride for me, with some bright moments and some dark ones thrown in as well....... Right now I have a few more scripts on No 1 Wisma Putra to translate ( 2nd round of translation) and mind you from English into Bahasa, and I can tell you that it's not an easy job to do.... silap translate nanti the gist of the original won't be there. Macam minum teh yang tak cukup urmphnya.... Nak retain the urmph that is in the original la yang susah ni.....tapi saya yang menurut perintah, buat la sebaik yang boleh.

Hopefully after the launching, thinks will quieten down sikit before the tempo goes up again at the end of January 2009.

Ramblings

Nothing much to write, but Alhamdullilah, mum is now out of the hospital and is getting stronger. But the doctor said that nothing much can be done about her heart, too many of the arteries are block and considering her age, it's not advisable even for her to have an operation. The doctor also said that whatever it is, the only thing that can be done is to stabilise her condition and tak boleh bagi dia buat keje-keje berat lagi. And I don't know whether the news about Pak Cik Man's death has been make known to mum. We (my eldest sis [the CEO of the family] and the rest of the family) decided to keep silent about it on the advice of the doctor, who don't want mum to have a relapse. I certainly for one do not want that! One thing I know for sure, is that, mum is not to stress herself out worrying about father. Setiap masalah tu ade solutionnya. Allah tu maha kaya.....Dia akan atur yang sebaik-baiknya untuk umatnya.

And on the workfront, everything is going full steam ahead for the launching. Penat jugak nih, I want to go on leave, but........ Dato' won't allow us to take leave before the event, unless it is absolutely neccessary.........penat gilos weh.......Tambah it's going to be a long break next week, what with Christmas and Awal Muharram back to back, almost. Can't wait for the event to be over so that I can go cuti-cuti Malaysia.......Hah, you wish, macam la tak tau, courses for 2009 will be up and running by the time the event is over......hu hu hu hu

Wow, talk about there's nothing much to write......tapi boleh pulak merapu sampai two paragraphs......hei hei hei hei

Life

Late last night, the phone beeped and a text message came in bearing with it bad news. My uncle, my mum's youngest brother just passed away. After a hectic day of coping with work and juggling time to visit mum who was hospitalised again late in the morning, the news makes me think hard about life and 2008 in general. The news also make me feel more weary and tired then usual.

Today, I am still in a pensive mood, thinking how fragile life is, Allah can just take it away from you in the blink of an eye, so fast that you, the one left standing feels so numb....as if everything is a dream. Thinking of my uncle, who is still in his prime and my six young cousins, who still needs his love and guidance, I ache for them. I hope they will be well taken care of by their step- mum who also happens to be their late mother's younger sister. InsyaAllah....

As for me, my mum is also not well and the news make me wonder, how would it be if I am also face with the same situation, will it leave me stoney eyed, that people, especially my sisters and brothers would say that I'm heartless, selfish and ape-ape lagi lah...susah nak forsee benda-benda ni, bersabar dan berserah aje lah pada Allah, Dia yang lebih mengetahui.

Bak kata Myza, segala musibah yang mendatangi kita adalah untuk mendekatkan kita lagi dengan Allah. So kita sebagai hambaNya yang kerdil harus menghadapi ujian yang di beri ini dengan penuh ketabahan dan kesabaran. InsyaAllah, Allah akan sentiasa bersama kita.

Entah ler....

Penat jugak lah ye nak jaga hati orang ni. Kita nampak the solution to the problem but if people refuse even to consider it, macam mana ye nak buat.

Penat rasanya bila dah macam ni, tak kan nak suruh aku berenti kerja plak.......... puas kan hati orang but what about my needs and wants....... Tak de yang ambik peduli...........

Bila aku cakap......, orang kata aku selfish pulak.......... ntah la.......... yang ape dia buat tu tak di consider as selfish ke...... Hish! tak tau la aku............

Sabar aje lah and banyak la sabar tu.............

Campus Launch

Peningnya banyak yang perlu disettlekan before the year ends. This time around, December is not the time to laze and take stock of things that had been done through out the year. Masih lagi working at full steam. Hem...........penat jugak macam ni........

Dulu December was the month to unwind, rest and rejuvenate ourselves before the start of the new year and work starts to snowball balik. Tapi for 2008, nampaknya ianya hadir dalam mimpi aje, banyak pulak aktiviti yang kena buat.

The Executive Chairman and the Ketua Bahagian Akademik, Latihan dan Penyelidikan ni tak rasa penat ke asyik keje aje ni. Dia orang tak pe lah, buat mesyuarat, decide apa-apa projek yang nak dijalankan, kita jentera yang kat bawah ni la yang bersengam mata nak siapkan projek-projek tu. And both of them keep drumming in, that the event must start with a bang and close pun mesti with a louder bang, if tak nanti kena dengan the Minister.

Alahai apa nak kata......... kena la buat......... biar pun penat........... Kejap lagi pun ade meeting, pagi tadi pun meeting, esok pulak ade three meetings to attend. Bila la nak siapkan ape-ape yang diarahkan if asyik duk meeting memanjang nih! Tak pe, tak pe, boleh settlenya, nothing is impossible if we set our minds to do it....

Ye lah tu........hahahahahahahaha

Bosan

Bila difikirkan I don't know why I am the way I am. Tak tau kenapa aku harus berperasaan begini.

2008 is coming to an end, a new year is dawning, usia ku makin bertambah tapi.... aku masih meniti hari seperti dulu..... masih lagi mencari diri ku...... masih belum mendapati atau masih mencari jawapan to the question: apa kah arah tuju hidup ku. Adakah aku akan terus hanyut dengan hidup ku seperti apa yang ku lalui sekarang.

Bila melihat kepada kawan-kawan di sekeliling ku, aku rasa so alone, as my circle of friends starts diminishing, each with their own lives to lead, playing their roles as husbands, wives, mothers and fathers. While I'm still here....waiting...... dan terus menanti, while I know that the time for waiting has passed. It seems as if time has stood still for me, while others had gone on mengikut ketentuan Allah untuk mereka. Mungkin juga ini ketentuan Allah untuk ku and aku menerimanya dengan penuh keredhaan.

Yes, 2008 is ending soon, a most eventful year for me, some bringing joy into my life and some bringing tears with it, but on reflection the good and the bad are balanced. I know Allah would not has bestowed it on me if Allah knows that I would not be able to handle it. Tapi ape-ape pun Alhamdullah dengan ape yang berlaku ianya banyak memberi pengajaran pada ku. What I know is, I have to be more sabar dalam menghadapi ape jua pun, jangan cepat mengelabah, take time to look at it and think thoroughly about everything before making the final decision. InsyaAllah, Allah akan sentiasa bersama ku dan memandu ku melakukan yang terbaik untuk semua. InsyaAllah.

Satu yang ku pinta, 2009 nanti, no more tears of sadness and insyaAllah if ditakdirkan tears akan mengalir, aku mohon kiranya, aku akan tabah menghadapinya.

2009, aku menunggu kehadiran mu.......

Macam mana ye nak terangkan ape yang aku rasa. Susahnya nak buat orang faham...

Susah, susah, susah!!!!!!!! Geram, bengang, semua bercampur aduk.......

Tapi aku tahu aku kena banyak bersabar..............

I wish orang tu dapat la memahami walau sedikit apa yang ku rasai ini.....

Kadang-kadang terasa macam aku tersepit sangat and macam there is no way out. Pusing kat mana pun all I meet is another brick wall.

Sabar, sabar and terus sabar...........itu aje yang aku boleh buat!!!!

Salam buat semua

Salam Aidil Adha buat semua. Pagi raya yang dingin... Malam sebelum raya, an eventful night, the whole family stayed up most of the night worrying whether mum would take the turn for the worse.

Her heart is getting weaker, but she refused to go to the hospital, today pun sama, masih duk tahap bertahan. Semua orang going around the house with gloomy faces.What a stark contrast to raya of last year.

I feel so helpless, tak tahu ape nak buat to ease my mum's worries and fears. I know that she fears that if she's not here anymore, what would happen to my father. I have no answers to that only Allah knows....and yang dapat ku buat ialah berdoa....

Tension......tapi semua kena pendam....

Raya Haji, Life

Raya Haji this time around is quite sombre for me, 2008 has been quite an upheaval, with mum being hospitalised for heart attack and on the workfront banyak pertukaran yang berlaku, among it having to see one by one my close circle of friends slowly getting smaller and smaller by the day, with some who came in the same year as me , either has transferred out to be closer to their husbands or families or sudah naik pangkat. But that is the cycle of life and I wish them all the best in their lives and doakan yang mereka akan lebih bahagia berada bersama dengan insan yang mereka sayangi. For those yang naik pangkat, moga lebih successful lagi dalam kejaya masing-masing.

Talking of Hari Raya, another damp year, with rain falling at all time, and yang paling menyedihkan is the landslide that happened in Ampang two days before raya. Kesian bila difikirkan nasib the victims of the landslide, dah la kehilangan harta benda and not forgetting those yang lost their love ones in the incidents. Takziah ku hulurkan kepada mereka.

Last but no the least. "SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL ADHA TO ALL." Bunga kat sebelah ini ku berikan khas untuk semua insan yang telah hadir dalam hidup ku dan yang ku sayangi selalu.

Reflection

Ai nampaknya mengantuk and rasa letih balik dari Lumut belum habis lagi.....Buat keje pun macam zombie aje.....tahap separa sedar. But the beauty of it, is that the work gets done. Hei hei hei tak pe lah, at least I don't get into hot soup about benda-benda ni and nobody is fuming down my neck asking whether keje yang di suruh buat tu dah siap ke belum.......

Hah! Tepat dan jitu tekaan ku about her not ending her contract kat sini. Now pun dah nampak she's wavering whether nak continue or tak working here. Anyway her tiff dengan the big gun tu pun over a small matter aje, just that both of them ade strong personalities, tu yang jadi macam tu. Tambah yang sorang lagi tu, prior to her retirement dah pernah be the one in command, so kiranya bila sorang lagi, lebih junior and tak berape ade finesse bila handling a much older person, said something and it doesn't go down too well with the older one, fireworks are bound to go flying in the air, walaupun bukan with a major bang......hei hei hei and ikan-ikan bilis yang kat bawah ni la yang kena tempiasnya. Nasib la kan, itu kan dah lumrah alam pekerjaan.......

Gotta to go... need to attend the opening for the international conference organised by the office. Mandatory, so best get going before your luck runs out and you do end up in hot soup!!!!!!!! Need to be careful semenjak dua menjak ni, cuaca asyik tak menentu aje.....Hopefully masa meeting esok, cuaca sunny la.....if tak, kena la berhati-hati, nanti tak pasai-pasai kena tembak berdas-das, walaupun bukan silap kita, tapi kena gak tempiasnya, adui....

Kepenatan 2

Back from the Language Camp, despite my misgivings about going to Lumut, surprise, surprise, I ended up quite enjoying the thing hahahahahahahaha.... even though at first, things did not go as smoothly as was planned.

Before the journey, erm shall I write about it or just let it slide....... ah.....tulis aje lah bukannya ade orang yang interested pun sal benda-benda ni.... well, it was not a good start to the journey dengan one of the top gun erupting like a volcano quite early in the morning, and it was like a domino theory, with everything going haywire after that. And the gloominess continued with the rain pouring like cats and dogs throughout the journey...what a damper it was.

Nasib la program yang diaturkan untuk malam tu dapat dijalankan dengan jayanya walaupun my boss was in two minds as to whether nak carry out with what had been planned or not. That sort of sweeten up everybody's mood after such a lousy day and the looooong and tiring journey in the bus.

Anyway after all the hu ha, everyone seems to had a rollicking good old time in Lumut. We even had time to go shopping for ikan masin and all things connected with fish...hahahahaha

But today, everyone is feeling the aftermath of letting our hair down for two days. So many sleepy faces around. Guess everyone is still feeling tired, back from the camp and straight to work, with no break in between. What to do, we have to shoulder on walaupun penat.....no more volcanic eruption please, pretty please........

Yang menulis ni pun penat, otak pun blur aje and buat keje pun with eyes half-open. Can't wait for the time to clock out........

Penat.........nak tidurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............