Merdeka Day is just around the corner, and Eid Mubarak will be with us soon. Today is the 19th day of Ramadhan, and so far, this fasting month is not the same as the fasting months of yores, is it because I'm getting old, or because deep down I don't feel happy and full of regrets about what I have done with my life. So many regrets, and this Ramadhan, makes me think deep and hard about life in general and of the wrongs that I have done...

I wish I could undo what have been done, and wipe the slate clean, but I know it is something impossible to do. All that I can do is pray to Allah to have mercy on me and He would pardon me for the wrongs that I have done with my life. This is also the second Ramadhan without my mother around, sometimes on certain days during this Ramadhan, I caught myself thinking of her and thinking of how dissapointed she is in this daughter of hers... I pray that she is at peace at the place where she is now, and may Allah be merciful to her too.

And the bottomline is, I do miss my mother, missed her barks and her acceptance of me even though some of my behaviour must have hurt her feelings more than I know. Al-fatihah to you Che..